The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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