I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
