If that was your dad, he is hot
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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