Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
