I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
