he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
