Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You are the jesus of drinking
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Randomize
