if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
