and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize