Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
