if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
