How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
