So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize