Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize