I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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