Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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