ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize