Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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