he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
