you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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