At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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