You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
