make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
