im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
