peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize