i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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