I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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