Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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