That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
