That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
ugly people sure do ruin things
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
