i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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