last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
