you guys were way drunker than both of me
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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