I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
We're facebook friends in real life
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
