Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
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