are you still at the devil's house?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
