Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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