they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
