Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
