just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize