Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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