The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
