I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
