I will die if light touches me.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
