got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
