i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
