I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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