your thong is hanging out like whoa
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
