oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
