Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
