if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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