We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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