So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
