Who wears a wallet chain?!
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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