Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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