i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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