Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
