Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Randomize
