Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize