so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I think my vagina is haunted
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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