Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
