I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
