dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
