Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
