Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
