Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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