Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
