I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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