I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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