haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
