one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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