How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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