What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize