I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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