what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
