then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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